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La Vuelta de El Pirata (The Return of El Pirata)
The episode begins with a map of a very different Europe (partially altered by the heroes' time-travel adventure (see Aventuras en el Pasado (Adventures in the Past)), as seen to the right. The map focuses on Spain, and then Madrid, and then the Palacio Real (Royal Palace), where King Felipe VI (son of the deceased King Juan Gabriel) is having an audience with the Criollo traidor El Pirata (see El Problema de los Criollos (The Criollo Problem)). Desiring to reclaim the lands of Gran Colombia as part of a second Spanish Empire but knowing his options for help are limited (even despite Spain's greater and earlier success at La Segunda Reconquista), he asks what El Pirata can do for him, especially given El Pirata's failure to starve the Gran Colombian coasts into submission. El Pirata assures King Felipe VI that although he allowed the Gran Colombian metiches to intimidate him into not bringing the storms, he won't ever allow that to happen again. Seeing that he has little choice but to accept El Pirata's "help," King Felipe VI reluctantly gives his blessing and gives El Pirata broad discretionary powers in carrying out the mission to get the meddlers (our heroes) out of the way. The scene then cuts to Tenochtitlán Town Square, where our heroes (and Dr. Mantis) - having fully recovered from their last adventure - are approached by the ever-teleporting Presidente Juárez, who informs them that El Pirata is on his way to Yucatán Harbour from Havana with two privateers, Fuerte I and Fuerte II. The heroes (minus El Enigma) agree to captain El Presidente's privateers, El Orgullo del Presidente I and El Orgullo del Presidente II. El Enigma asks El Presidente if she can be transported to Yucatán Harbour as well given that she has special business there, and El Presidente agrees to bring her along. Once they arrive at Yucatán, El Enigma and Dr. Mantis slink off, but Dr. Mantis is the one who gets himself into more trouble! Once out of the sight of the rest of the party, he morps into the white-suited, big-bellied, and stereotypically long-moustachioed Carlos Carlos III - Mayor of Yucatán - and saunters into the Bank of Yucatán without a care in the world. He manages to convince the bank teller to remove all the money and precious metals from the vault into a secured covered wagon...that is, until the real Carlos Carlos III arrives, confusing the issue! They both say "Arrest that impostor!" at the same time, which further confuses the young man behind the counter, but the issue is clarified once Dr. Carlos puts the Mayor into a sneezing fit; the sneezing fit, however, doesn't stop the Mayor from telephoning the local police (with a very primitive telephone) and sneezing out the message that a robbery is in progress. Dr. Mantis decides to abandon his pursuit and swim out to the seas in between Yucatán and Havana, morphing into an assault crocodile for this purpose. Whilst Dr. Mantis is having his little adventure, a new presence is making herself known to the heroes! A woman in a Fabio pirate suit - a long, black coat, black knee-high boots, a rapier, and a scarlet pirate hat with an indigo feather - introduces herself as Domina Magnífica and offers her services in once again ridding the high seas of the scoundrel known as El Pirata! The heroes accept the help. Domina Magnífica begins lightly flirting with El Tigre Azul, but La Bruja becomes a bit too jealous. Domina Magnífica, noting his improved muscles, swishes her cape and tells El Tigre Azul, "You look much more macho than when we last met," at which point a jealous La Bruja asks her, "What is your outfit made from?" Domina Magnífica snaps, "My outfit is made from tougher material than yours because I need to protect myself when I'm out to sea. I see you don't suffer from that problem." Being ever the diplomat (even if somewhat sexist and patronising), Señor Blanco steps in, saying, "Now now, ladies! Let's calm down and get back to our mission." He then addresses the group, suggesting, "Let us split up and attack them from two fronts!" From here it's agreed that Domina Magnifica will command El Orgullo del Presidente I - accompanied by El Tigre Azul - and attack Fuerte II, whilst Señor Blanco will command El Orgullo del Presidente II - accompanied by La Bruja - and attack Fuerte I. The ships meet, and battle commences! El Tigre Azul and Domina Magnífica land next to Fuerte II and encounter El Pirata and 5 of his esbirros. One of the esbirros pounces Domina Magnífica, but to his detriment; he stabs the esbirro in the kidney, which elicits an "¡Uy!" and a fatal bloodletting which causes the lifeless lump of an esbirro to be stuck on top of her. In a moment of irony, Domina Magnifica quips, "El Tigre, it seems I'm experiencing your profession!" El Tigre Azul can only reply with, "Eh well, never too late to learn!" Meanwhile, the crew of El Orgullo del Presidente II meets up with the crew of Fuerte I - hate at first sight! Seeing La Bruja, one esbirro cries out, "¡Mata a la bruja!" (Kill the witch!) Before he can do anything, however, La Bruja creates an explosive magical blast under the esbirro, knocking him down, taunting him with, "You are no match for La Bruja!" Just then, another esbirro aims at La Bruja and shoots, shouting the customary "¡Mata a la bruja!"; not amused in the slightest, La Bruja replies, "Boys! Boys! You are not good enough! Go away!" before she dodges the bullet. El Tigre Azul and Domina Magnífica start dealing some serious damage to El Pirata and his esbirros, but at a price. El Tigre Azul backflips onto the rigging of Fuerte II and takes El Pirata by surprise with an elbow drop, which elicits an "¡Aaaaaa!" from El Pirata. In response, one of the esbirros pounces El Tigre Azul after taunting him with, "I have heard of you, El Tigre - I will pounce like the gato you are!" Meanwhile, two other esbirros approach the supine Domina Magnífica, who taunts them with "Boys, boys! One at a time!" before throwing knives in their guts, causing them to fall down and bringing them close to death. The attempts on La Bruja's life incense Señor Blanco to anger! He dives at the rigging and manages to trip an esbirro by sweeping under his legs. The esbirro falls, cracking his back in such a way that he dies; however, his pistol accidentally fires, and the bullet knocks off the decking thanks to Señor Blanco jerking to the side just in time. Señor Blanco discovers some interesting information just after his encounter with the esbirro. As it turns out, from the body language given off by the captain of Fuerte I, Señor Blanco discovers that he's loyal to El Presidente and Gran Colombia! He's simply allowing the fight to go on without intervening on behalf of the esbirros. Señor Blanco psychically communicates this information with La Bruja, whose confidence is bolstered enough to shoot a magic blast at an esbirro, knocking him down to the point of near-unconsciousness and causing him to cry out "¡Uy! ¡Ahhh!"; La Bruja sarcastically retorts, "Please settle down! I have done you a favour." Before he blacks out, he yells "¡Mata a la bruja!" before firing a bullet at La Bruja, who very deftly redirects the bullet at the esbirro's neck, killing him instantaneously. As death closes in on the two wounded esbirros ''aboard ''Fuerte II, they make desperate attempts to kill Domina Magnífica but fail. One esbirro pulls the knife out of his gut, yells "For my patrón!", and throws it at Domina Magnifica and misses; she dodges the knife easily and says to the dying esbirro, "Thank you! You are most courteous" as she picks up the knife and watches the life slip out of her would-be assassin. The other esbirro fires his pistol in desperation, but the bullet is mostly caught by Domina Magnífica's leather corset, leaving only a minor wound in her belly. At this point the other esbirro fades away and dies. In the meantime, Señor Blanco survives several esbirro attacks. One esbirro aims his pistol at Señor Blanco and fires a bullet at him; Señor Blanco uses the power of his mind to make the bullet veer past him, saying "That was lucky!" as an ironic gesture. Another esbirro tries to pounce on Señor Blanco, but he only knocks him off balance somewhat. Yet another esbirro flips up and flies at Señor Blanco, who deftly blocks the attempt with his radius while staggering a fair bit. Whilst this is happening, Croco-Mantis slinks aboard Fuerte I in the form of an octopus. More on this later. All the while, Domina Magnífica and El Tigre Azul have their hands full aboard Fuerte II, but it's nothing they can't handle. One remaining esbirro aboard Fuerte II attempts to shoot Domina Magnífica, shouting, "Die, woman!" She flicks the ill-aimed pistol away with her rapier, causing the bullet to lodge in part of the ship. Seeing the chaos around him, El Pirata decides to send in a harsh rain over Fuerte II. Seeing that his chance to create a tactical advantage may slip away soon, El Tigre Azul only just manages to climb onto the rigging, which is already slippery because of the rain. Meanwhile, the other remaining esbirro aboard Fuerte II attempts to punch El Tigre Azul but only connects with his boot, proceeding to slip and slide on the deck of the ship. The other remaining esbirro tries to grab El Tigre Azul, but El Tigre Azul narrows his eyes, lifts them, and lifts himself further up onto the rigging in order to gain a higher footing; he grapples onto a higher rung despite almost slipping. The tension aboard Fuerte II accelerates due to Domina Magnifica's brutality and ferocity. She rolls away from the esbirro who tried to punch El Tigre Azul, and even through the strong, torrential downpour, she lands her off-handed knife stab into the esbirro's neck, instantly killing him. She then turns to El Pirata and engages in the following conversation: DM: "El Pirata! You know who I am! I shall challenge you to a sword duel! Equal terms!" EP: "I know what you did last time. ¡Nunca jamás! (Never again!)" DM: "So you will face humiliation being defeated, even with your powers!" EP: "We shall see." Life is becoming no less interesting aboard Fuerte I! Although staggered, Señor Blanco manages to get the two esbirros ganging up on him to slip past each other and fall down! He also uses his telekinetic powers to get another esbirro to punch himself in the head with his own pistol. Next, Octo-Mantis attempts to pull the two fallen esbirros to him with his tentacles; whilst he manages to clutch one esbirro to his chest (and give him a sneezing affliction, in spite of his own strong resistance), the other manages to roll away. The esbirro who has just rolled away tries to stab Octo-Mantis' tentacle, which immediately turns into bees that go after him. Meanwhile, the esbirro still in Octo-Mantis' clutches gets flicked away, but as he falls away he continues sneezing and stabs into and cuts Dr. Mantis' tentacle somewhat erratically, and Octo-Mantis cries out in pain as though his arm were partly sliced through; as he falls to the deck, the esbirro begins stabbing into a deck plank randomly. Back on Fuerte I, the tension has been cranked up a further notch. Seeing that most of the esbirros aboard ship are dead, he cries out, "I will teach you metiches a lesson!" and makes a hard snow fall; El Tigre Azul and Domina Magnífica, however, manage to endure. In fact, El Tigre Azul sees that the water on the deck is now ice and, seeing that any further snow and ice will be problematic, falls through the snow in order to land on top of El Pirata. El Pirata turns barely in time to see El Tigre Azul's "mountain of muscles upon muscles" descend upon him, breaking his concentration! Consequently, the snow dies down, the clouds break, and the Sun is once again visible as the viewers hear "The Sun Will Come Out" from the film Annie. El Tigre Azul mockingly addresses El Pirata: "With all the blows you've been taking, you look more like El Piñata!" Domina Magnífica shakes the snow off her, strides over to the last remaining esbirro, and swishes her rapier blade to deliver a coup de grâce to him; she then strides up to El Pirata, quipping: "So it looks like we're going for humiliating defeat after all!" Things seem to be coming to a victorious conclusion aboard Fuerte II. Señor Blanco goes after one of the esbirros and throws him over; the esbirro catapults like a cannonball with flailing arms and legs into the water in the distance. He then uses his right leg to uppercut-kick the sneezing esbirro, whose jerking motions make him randomly stab Señor Blanco in the right shoulderblade before falling over and sneezing his way into a drowning death. Also, La Bruja manages to magic blast the last remaining esbirro aboard Fuerte II, knocking him unconscious and barely hanging onto the ship using one of his arms. Meanwhile, Octo-Mantis calls out "I hear more enemies in the hold! I will go to them! Stay here!"; instead of finding other enemies, however, he searches the hold and finds cannonballs and 12 pistols. He arms himself with all 12 pistols and grows more tentacles to accommodate them. All seems lost for El Pirata; however, all is not as it seems. To her surprise, Domina Magnífica has been weakened from the fighting and her belly wound. Also, El Pirata pulls a surprise manoeuvre on El Tigre Azul, pointing a pistol at his head and commanding, "Do not move a muscle, muscle man!" TO BE CONTINUED...